So last week I went to my normal AA meeting on Sunday. Even if I miss meetings during the week I always, always make this meeting . He knows this. In fact his best friend gives me a ride. He is the most recent psychopath that I have removed from my life. He never goes to this meeting. I knew he would show up eventually. AA or not, I am his drug. He gets something from me that he can’t get anywhere else. Ever since I told him to get fucked I knew he would show up at this meeting at some point.
He walked in with a smirk that I desperately wanted to knock off of his face. He took a seat. After the meeting a group of us usually go out to breakfast. Of course, he went to breakfast also. Of the 12 fucking seats he could have sat in he chose the one right next to me. Pleasantries were exchanged and then I ignored him the rest of the meal. I handled it correctly, even though it feels like the weaker position. I know that he wants engagement, he seeks an emotional exchange that indicates that I need him back. He wants to “turn me inside out” as he so honestly puts it. His desires aren’t foreign to me, in fact, it’s just the opposite, it’s comfortable, normal and habitual. But it’s a habit I intend to break.
While I handled the situation correctly, I can’t help but fantasize about how I really wanted that meeting to go. So here is a snapshot of the fantasy using my “inside my head voice”…
She sat in her AA meeting when he walked in. She went there every Sunday and he never went to that meeting, no, not ever. It had been month since she had finally taken up for herself and told him to fuck off. She still held resentment for his repeated attacks on her sanity, his obvious mission to destroy her. I guess he couldn’t stand the distance, he had never lasted this long without her, without his perfect prey.
As her righteous anger rose so did she. Up and out of her seat and with a silent authority she stood, extended her arm and pointed right at him. As his eyes locked into recognition with her demand of attention she motioned her command that he follow her to the door.
Two steps out the door and out of the presence of any witnesses he opened his mouth to speak…
A left hook directly to his chin.
Whatever he had to say, whatever dispute he offered was shut down in a bloody second. All he could do was stand there, speechless…for the first time.
“I can’t keep you from coming here, but I can make it just as uncomfortable for you as it is for me.”